The Smile

It's pizza night and I've been invited. I'm worried but they've said there will be gluten free pizza and I want to go so I trust them. I've eaten with them before and didn't get sick. I arrive and find that someone else is bringing the pizza. I wait, anxious. Will I be going home sick? Despite years of saying no and downing pop after pop, drink after drink to keep from having to eat there is only so much you can do when you've been invited for dinner. It's hard to pretend you're not hungry then. Maybe some people can tell others they don't feel comfortable eating the food but as soon as someone goes out of their way to prepare food that is gluten free specially for me I feel obligated to eat it. So I'm nervous. 

The family arrives and the gluten free pizza goes into the microwave to finish cooking. The mother and her four year old walk into the kitchen. We are introduced. 

"Honey, she's gluten free just like you," the Mom points to me as she tells her daughter who is hiding behind her. I nod and smile back at her. 

"I'm just like you!" I exclaim, hoping she won't mind sharing her pizza with me. 

A smile slowly blooms across her face. I smile back at her. 

The smile that says I am not alone, I am not the only one, I am not weird. Someone is like me. 

A powerful thing for a four year old to understand that she is not alone and a powerful thing for twenty two year old to be a part of. 

The "oops" Moment - 5 years in waiting

Have you had one yet? That complete "oops" moment where you realized you accidentally just poisoned yourself. Not because of anyone else messing up or not being careful. You didn't get glutened because you went to a restaurant, family members house, or took that fruit even though you knew it was probably not safe. No, not that. Because those are all a rational decision, a clear choice to trust someone else with your food all the while knowing that they will probably make you sick. You give them power because you love them, or you're tired, or you just really want to feel just once that you can be normal and eat something like everyone else at the party.

No. This moment is the one where you were careful, you baked your pizza on the top rack in a special pan. Your wonderful husband was so careful, washing his hands, doing everything right. And then you pull out the pizza and you can't tell whose is whose because yours has a thicker crust than his (warning light number 1) but you ask him to clarify and he says it's yours so you put it on your plate and dig in. You're thinking about how wonderful it would be if this thicker crust pizza tasted good because you've never really loved thin crust and it would just be amazing to have this option. You eat a slice. It's good. Too good. You remember that it's an Amy's pizza and Walmart likes to mix their stuff in with all the gluten free food just to confuse people like us. You walk into the kitchen to check the box. First ingredient? Wheat flour. OOPS

So, as a warning Walmart likes to trick us so always check the box.

New to Gluten Free - 1 Traits to Have

(Beautiful display of things you can't eat)

I've been gluten free for over 5 years and looking back I can tell you that going gluten is incredibly hard. I've watched many people try it, feel better, decide it's too hard and quit and then go back to complaining how bad they feel. They always tell me that they "didn't think gluten was the problem". And while that may be true it's sometimes hard to tell if they were also telling you the truth when they first told you they were feeling much better after going gluten free!

For me, I think that the real reason so many people try and fail to go gluten free is because it's really really really hard. You are so limited in what you can eat and other people will eat the warm doughnut or chocolate cake right in front of you with relish while you sit there desperately drinking wine (or whatever is available) trying not to think of tackling that person and shoving the whole thing in your mouth. And while I think diets are hard I think this is even harder, because it's not that you could have it later or on your cheat day. YOU CAN NEVER EAT THAT. Unless you make it yourself, buy it at ridiculous prices or go to a special restaurant. But even then it's not the same as getting dessert with all your friends at a restaurant or going out for half off apps when your friends go.

But for all that, trust me it's worth it. Please don't cheat and please take it seriously if you've been diagnosed (or self diagnosed). Depression, infertility, and migraines are all very real consequences along with hundreds of others symptoms.

So in order to avoid all that let me give you some traits you should have or develop in order to make this as seamless as possible!

1. Stubbornness

People say that being stubborn is a bad thing but you should develop this trait to a science! Be stubborn with yourself when you are tempted to cheat, be stubborn with whoever you are with who (trying to help) tries to feed you poison, aka gluten. Tell yourself you are going to do this and then stick with it stubbornly.

2. A healthy dose of fear

One of the things I most clearly remember about the first 3 weeks of going gluten free was how amazing I felt after just 3 days. I honestly felt like a whole new person. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel good and when that cloud lifted off me it was life changing. However my mom and I wanted to get me officially diagnosed (DO THIS BEFORE YOU GO GLUTEN FREE IF POSSIBLE) and the doctor told us that I would have to be eating gluten for several days/weeks for it to work. It was Mothers Day so we went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. I was then violently sick for the rest of the night. This is what inspires my fear of eating gluten. I don't cheat because I remember how sick I was and so far nothing has been worth it. I also consistently get migraines when I eat gluten accidentally and it ruins the entirety of my next day. Develop that fear to a level where you are much less tempted to cheat. I'm at the point where if I think it has gluten in it, no matter how good it tastes the dish is ruined for me. Get to that point and saying no will be much easier.

3. Learn how to drink everywhere

 

Not just alcohol, because lets be honest that isn't available every where you will be dumped into social/eating situations and plus getting drunk doesn't help anything. But learn to find that drink whether it be punch, water, wine, pop, etc and keep that cup full. Anytime you feel awkward that everyone one else is eating you take a sip. Clutch that thing like a lifeline. When someone offers you food you can't eat hold that cup up and say "I'm fine" even if you're really not. Because chugging 6 glasses of whatever it is is better than having to explain over and over again that you can't eat or being pressured into taking a bite of something you know will make you sick. So take that cup and use it as your buffer, your excuse and anything else you need it to be.

4. Support system

While this isn't a trait make sure you have someone who will fight for you when you get tired. It can be demoralizing and exhausting to have to explain to every single person, to constantly have to say no, or to hear "well you can just eat the salad" sixty more times. Having someone who can explain to people or fight for you when you don't want to fight for yourself can be what makes your transition easy or difficult. When I first went gluten free my mom would explain to waiters what it meant when I lapsed into uncomfortable silence or helped me read tons of labels on every product out there to help find food I could eat. She made meals gluten free for me and read up on everything to do with having celiacs and going gluten free. My husband now will tell our friends and his family how to handle being gluten free before I have to. He fights to go to restaurants that I can eat more than a salad at and is perfectly willing to eat gluten free meals at home with me. Even our wedding cake was gluten free!

So before you give up just try developing these traits and things will go much smoother for you. If nothing else you have the support of gluten free community on your adventure!